A caveat on self-awareness

I wish I was more aware of my emotions.

And how they affected my behaviour.

This would then help me understand how my behaviour affects people around me.

Responses strategically constructed in my head often turned themselves into small bubble texts, stretched by a few words, occasionally decorated with an exclamation point! or two !!

Leftover crumbs of this larger inner dialogue I had, they were.

When confronted with a request to express my emotions, I would stare at my phone screen and try to formulate a response.

It would start with a few words, and then none, and then a few words again, and then the message would end up with the oh so original reply, “I’m okay now!”

Practice makes perfect: I became an expert at deviating from conversation topics. I would start talking about the weather, iterate random facts I had recently accumulated, or ask questions back to people, “what about you? how are you feeling?”.

The secret was to be passionate when steering the wheel, no drifts — a subtle and quick turn, so silent they won’t notice.

Did you know that Warren Buffet interviewed for HBS at the age of 19? Ten minutes into the interview, the interviewer subtly pointed out his lack of emotional intelligence. Things turned out well though; he went to Columbia University, inspired by Benjamin Graham, author of The Intelligent Investor. Before applying, he snuck into classrooms to listen to him teach. He also made his first pocket money selling gum. Then he betted on horses. He doesn’t like to give advice on investing because he once did as a kid, and his sister lost money. He felt responsible for that.

Did you know that Sam Altman was in the same batch at Y Combinator as Justin Kan, co-founder of Twitch? He wasn’t founding OpenAI though, he was working on a social media platform. Airbnb was also part of Y Combinator!! They applied one day after the deadline had passed. The first thing they were asked to do was change their business name, from Air Bed & Breakfast to Airbnb, haha. And then they flew to New York to talk to their customers, and that was the beginning of today’s Airbnb!

It’s crazy how these people are connected to one another. I mean, the cofounder of Cruise, the self-driving car company in SF, also happens to be Justin Kan’s little brother… Cool, huh?

Emotions don’t come in the shape of uniformly coloured marbles for me. They are very nebulous, difficult to identify, but easy to manage. Sometimes, I wonder if this is what it means to be stoic — to be calm and almost without any emotion.

I get very emotional at things though, not at people, maybe except for when my parents suggest me to just settle and get married. Anyways.

Right, anyways is the word I use to end uncomfortable conversations, hence the title of this article, “caveat on self-awareness”.

What about you? How are you feeling?

Hi, my name is Julie, currently 24, originally from Montreal, Canada and I like to read and write.